Gozzi walked into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I won this watch playing bocci.  It is a new state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" Gozzi explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I'm wearing panties!" Gozzi smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment". The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face. She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".  


GOZZI sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation.
He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . .."

"STOP pal - I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.

A few minutes later GOZZI tried again, "People say about the Pope ..."
"NO religion talk, either," the bartender cuts in.

One more try to break the boredom..." I thought the Yankees would..."
"NO sports talk...That's how fights start in bars!" the barman said.

"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"
"Sure, that we can talk about", replies the barkeep.

"GREAT... GO SCREW YOURSELF!"


Gozzi goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon Gozzi and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

Gozzi faints.

The big dude picks up Gozzi and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks him, "What's wrong with you?"

Gozzi says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

Gozzi says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."


Bar Pick-up 

Gozzi walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a couple of sips he looks up and sees a woman sitting at the end of the bar.

He calls the bartender over and says he'd like to buy the lady a drink. The bartender says "Listen pal, let me save you some trouble. She's a lesbian".

Gozzi takes a second, thinks it over, shrugs his shoulders and says "that's ok. I'd like to buy her a drink anyway."

So the bartender brings the woman her drink.

The woman lifts her glass and gives the man a nod of thanks.

Gozzi gets up from his bar stool and saunters over to the woman. As he's sitting down on the stool next to her he says, "So, what part of Lesbia are you from?"


Gozzi is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

Gozzi immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as Gozzi rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.


Gozzi is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

Gozzi struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and   says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, Gozzi pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very  nice but, are... my... test... results... back?


There were three guys talking in a bar at Santa Maria. Lucio, Varone  are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while Gozzi remains quiet.

After a while Tella turns to Gozzi and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

Gozzi says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.


Gozzi and Lucio were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Lucio says, "Aww, Gozzi, look at the dead birdie."

Gozzi looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"


Gozzi and Lucio are hiking in the woods.  It's really humid in the woods, so s remove their shirts and shoes. But when they spot a sign saying "Beware of bears," Gozzi stops to put his shoes back on.

Lucio “What's the point?  You can't outrun a bear."

"Actually," says Gozzi, "all I have to do is outrun you."


ITALIAN MAN KNOW HOW!!!
>     On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
>     The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one
> wing is struck by lightning.   
>     One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the
> front of the plane.
>
>            'I'm too young to die', she wails. Then she yells, 'Well, if
> I'm going to die,
>             I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! 
>             Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a
> WOMAN?
>
>     For a moment there is silence... Everyone has forgotten their own
> peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of
> the plane. Then “GOZZI” an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. GOZZI 
> is handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He
> starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button
> at a time.....
>
> No one moves .... GOZZI removes his shirt... Muscles ripple across his
> chest...she gasps... And he says.....
>
>            Here - 'Iron this, and get me something to eat....

















 

The new pallinos (chrome) have been issued to all clubs.  They will be manditory for use in the second half, and all playoff games.  

The Emperor has spoken.

RI Boccia League purchased  9 chrome pallinos.  They will be given to each club.  They can be used   during the first half.  The Home team will decide if they want to use them.  Atfer the first half they will be manditory for all games.   


This 52mm dia (2 1/16") polished chrome steel pallino weighs 10 oz (280 gm) 3/4 lb so will not get bounced off a court as easily as the standard phenolic/plastic pallinas.


Destroy The Terminators 

Am I Not Merciful?

 

Emperor Marcus Ferrarius
My name is Maximus Decimus Ferrarius, emperor of the Rhode Island Boccia League, General of the Legio X Equestris, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Champion of 2012 Rhode Island Boccia Season, winner of the St Anthony’s 2012 summer league, winner of the East Natick’s 2013 winter league, winner of the 2012 Taunton singles tournament .

Are you not entertained?
Emperor Marcus Ferrarius
My name is Maximus Decimus Ferrarus, emperor of the Rhode Island Boccia League, General of the Legio X Equestris, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Champion of 2012 Rhode Island Boccia Season, winner of the St Anthony’s 2012 summer league, winner of the East Natick’s 2013 winter league, winner of the 2012 Tauton singles tournament .   

Are you not entertained?


 

 

·         Grievance Committee

      Pratorian Guards


·          

FOR TWO TICKETS.

·         Emperor

Robert Ferraro      RIboccia@aol.com /e-mail


 

 

 


Adding a New Player

Deadline Aug 21st.

A player was recently added to the roster of St. Peter.  St. Peter requested to pick up a player due to a player undergoing surgery (Bobby).  That left them with 4 players.  One of the players works nights and has trouble getting the night off.  I placed calls to the top 5 teams in the South Division.  None of the team’s captains raised opposition to the added player.  After calling all five teams and no one raised opposition. One hour later, I received a call from Dave Russo, “you better call a meeting, a number of the captains are upset and a number plan on adding players” This was my response. “NO MEETING, THEY WERE ASKED AND NOT ONE OBJECTED, END OF STORY” One more reason to start a new league.

No players will be added to any rosters after Aug 21st. (5 games left in regular season). 

If you know you need to add a player due to an upcoming event you better add that player now.  A Player will only be added due to health, new job, player quitting, auto accident, etc.  Before the added player is allowed play, I will call the top six captains of that division.  If one captain objects a meeting will be called to discuss the new player.  Travel or vacations is not a valid reason to request a new player.  If a team falls below 4 players they will forfeit the remaining games. If a team can not complete the season their wins will be adjusted along with the opposing teams.   Prior to the new player playing all dues must be up to date.  Another thought, if a team needs a 4th player (not a 5th or 6th) after August 21st. a player can be added but that team is not eligible for the playoffs.

 

     NORTH TEAMS

·         Legio X Equestris

aka St Anthony 1890

(Club/St Anthony Society)

637 Charles St (Lower Court)

Providence, RI

ROBERT FERRARO  - Emperor

Lucio Andreozzi  - Centurion 

·         Mother Cabrini

(Club/St Anthony Society)

637 Charles St. (Lower Court)

Providence, RI

SERGIO PALMIERICenturion                                                                                                                                                                             

Vincent DeTora  - Optio

·         SCAPOLI

(Club/St Anthony Society)

637 Charles St. (Upper Ct.)

Providence, RI

NICK BIANCO – Centurion

Anthony Mardurly. - Optio  

 ·         Azzurri di Prata (Outdoor)

(Club/Santa Maria di Prata)

29 Walnut Grove Ave.

Cranston, RI 

ALFONSO CAMBIO  - Centurion

Dominic Petrarca – Optio 

·         Antonio Const.

(Club/Rosario Society)

17 Rosario Drive

Providence, RI

Gustavo LUGINI - Centurion

Antonio Forte - Optio 

·         East Natick Veterans Assn.

17 Baker Street  (Indoor Court)

Warwick, RI

PAT  PETRARCA –Centurion.

Guy Davia   - Optio 

 ·         Challenger One - di Prata

(Club/Santa Maria di Prata)

29 Walnut Grove Ave

Cranston, RI  (Indoor Court)

ROCCO TELLA  - Centurion

Joe Dimis -  Optio  

 ·         Saint Anthony II                               

(Club/St Anthony Society)

637 Charles St   (Lower Court)

Providence, RI

Dante  DeCRISTOFARO  - Centurion

Ron Volpe  -  Optio 

 ·         Il Spartani

(Club/St Anthony Society)

637 Charles St. (Upper Ct.)

Providence, RI

Paul the GREEK – Centurion

Rick Borino - Optio 

 ·         Fontegreca II 

(Club/Fontegreca)

800 Douglas Ave (Front Court)

Providence, RI

Frank Gianfrancesco  - Centurion

Corrado Rado - Optio 

·         Fontegreca III 

(Club/Fontegreca)

800 Douglas Ave (Front Court)

Providence, RI

JOE CARDARELLI - Centurion

Giovanni Cardarelli – Optio 

·         GIOVANOTTI  (Outdoor)

(Club/Santa Maria Di Prata)

29 Walnut Grove Ave.

Cranston, RI

FRANK RICCIO – Centurion

Silvio Conte – Optio  

     

      SOUTH TEAMS

 

·         RUSSO   

(Outdoor Court)

(Club/Santa Maria di Prata)

29 Walnut Grove Ave.

DAVID RUSSO  -  Centurion 


·         Fontegreca I  (Front Court)

(Club/Fontegreca) 800 Douglas Ave Providence, RI

JACKIE DIGREGORIO - Centurion 

Robbie DiGregorio  - Optio 

·         Rosario   

(Rosario Society) 7 Rosario Dr. Providence, RI

PHIL ALMAGNO - Centurion Cell 

Vincent Igliozzi - Optio 

 ·         Imperial Tile  (upper Court)

(Club/Saint Anthony)

637 Charles Street. Providence, RI Imtile@aol.com

PAUL DESANTIS - Centurion

Joseph DeSantis - Optio 

      G. Veltri & Sons

(Club/St Anthony Society) 637 Charles St.  (Lower Court)

JOE VELTRI - Centurion   (younger brother)

Domenic Veltri -    Optio

 (older brother)

 ·         St Mary III  

(Club/Santa Maria di Prata) 

29 Walnut Grove Ave

Cranston, RI (Indoor Court)

PAT VARONE  - Centurion 

John Ciccone   - Optio 

·         St. Peter  (Front Court)

(Club/Fontegreca) 800 Douglas Ave.  Providence, RI

JOHN RIZZO  - Centurion l

Frank Rizzo   - Optio 

 ·         Terminators

(Club/Santa Maria di Prata) 29 Walnut Grove Ave

Cranston, RI (Indoor Court)

Gaetano GOZZI  - Centurion 

Angelo Riccio   - Optio 

·         Italian Eagles   

(Club/Fontegreca) 

800 Douglas Ave. (Rear Court)

JOHN ANGELONE  - Centurion 

Luigi Stanziale - Optio

·         LaFamiglia/St Anthony 

(Club/St Anthony’s Society)

637 Charles St.  (Upper Court) Providence, RI

ANTHONY ROMEO - Centurion 

John Mancone Jr -  Optio 

 AL Scatto  - Pilus Prior

·         East Natick Vets II

Club/East Natick (Indoor) 

17 Baker Street  Warwick, RI

Bob McQUEENCY – Centurion 

Kyle McQueency - Optio 

·         Fontegreca IV 

(Club/Fontegreca) (Rear Court) 

800 Douglas Ave. Providence, RI

Luigi Gianfrancesco – Centurion 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Foul

 

ONLY A CAPTAIN, COACH or REFEREE CAN CALL A FOUL.

 

In order to call a foul you must see the foul.

 

Before calling a Foul a warning will be given to the team’s captain. He will be advised of the Foul (violation) and violation must be explained.

If the Foul is deliberate. No warning required.Foul rule will apply. Example, being completely off the mat or running up the field with ball to be released

If the Foul is later repeated during the match a Foul penalty will apply to that frame.

The Captain: the person designated to represent the team and decide on line-up, point scores, rulings and game calling for that night can call a foul. Only that person is allowed to call a foul. If a Referee is calling the game.  The Referee must approve all Fouls.  He has sole authority for approving or not approving all called Fouls. The Referee also is allowed to call a Foul.

The penalty for a Foul is as follows:

The team committing the foul shall lose all points of that Frame, if team committing foul has balls remaining they shall continue to throw their remaining balls.  The ball thrown by the player that committed the foul must be removed from the field prior to the next ball being thrown.  If any balls were moved the balls must be returned to their original position prior to the foul ball being released.

Example: Team A has three points. Team B has thrown all their balls. Team A player releases his ball and committees a Foul. His ball does not touch any of the balls on the field. His ball comes in and makes another point for a total of 4 points.  Team A does not receive any points. Team B does not receive any points.

Example: Your ball has the point and is 6” from the pill.  The opposing teams’ player throws his ball and committees a foul.  The foul ball hits the ball that originally had the point. The Foul Ball is removed from the field and the any ball moved during that frame must be put back to their original position.

(Fouling Team) If at the end of throwing their balls their ball is closest to the pill they do not receive any points. The opposing team shall have as many points as they can earn during the remainder of the frame of play.

·         TYPES OF FOULS

1. Foot Foul / Mat or

2.  Any player who throws 2 balls in the same frame of play will automatically award 4 points to the opposing team.

 

 

Gozzi walks into a bar and after only taking 2 steps in, he realizes that it's a gay bar. He decides to proceed because he really needs a drink. A gay waiter approaches and asks: "What's the name of your penis?"

 

Gozzi says: "Look, I'm just not into that kind of stuff. All I want is a cold beer."

The gay waiter says: "I'm sorry but house rules dictate that I cannot serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."

Gozzi says to the gay waiter: "All right....I will but first tell me the name of your penis."

The gay waiter says: "NIKE...you know, 'JUST DO IT!"

Gozzi thinks for a moment and then says: The name of my penis is 'SECRET'.

The waiter is puzzled and asks: "SECRET? What does that mean?" Gozzi says: You know, SECRET.....STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!"

Voted  - Best looking man in the World 09, 10,11, 12, 2013

Voted  - MVP Player of the 2009 All Star Game

Voted  - MVP Player of the 2009, 2010, 2011 Championship Game

World Bocce Ranking - Ranked # 2 in the World

                                                          Gozzi at age 21

  Please join the Gozzi fan club. I love all you girls  XXO                                      .

 

News Flash

 

Gozzi to play 007 in the new James Bond Movie.  Movie will come out in Spring 2011

 

Oh my god, Gozzi just called, he will be playing James Bond in the new 007 movie.

He also said, got gozzi sweatshirts will be available soon. I just love him.

    

 

                                                                         

    

                                                                       

       

  

 

 

  

 

 Gozzi said he likes me.  I am a Gozzi girl. I have a "got gozzi" shirt.  Yes, Yes, Yes.                      

 

How to become a gozzi girl?  Place your order for your limited edition t-shirts $10.

               got gozzi?

                                     Rhode Island Boccia League

 

Over 200 "got gozzi" t-shirts sold.  ALL SOLD OUT

 

Coming soon "got gozzi" sweatshirts.  Gozzi wants

 

to keep you warm this winter.

 

            

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

CRY BABY OF THE WEEK /


All Star Captains          
  2007 * 2008 2009 2010 2011 2012
North Phil Almago Joe Cardarelli Al Russo Dante De Criso Serigo Benny Riccio
South Rocco Tella John Rizzo Pat Patraca Jackie D Romeo Pat Varone
Club St Anthony Fontegreca St Maria St Anthony Fontegreca Santa Maria
             
* First year of the new rotation        
 

 

 

 NEW RULES FOR 2012

·        REGISTRATION OF PLAYERS / NUMBER OF NEW PLAYERS.

·        TBS Games - YOU SCHEDULE

·        4th of July Games. YOU SCHEDULE

·        Playoffs Dates already Scheduled. / Referee being assigned to Playoff Games.

·        Forfeits – You can no longer cancel games.If you cancel a game you forfeit. Three losses will be given and three wins will be awarded.If you forfeit (3) three games you will lose your spot in 2012.If you forfeit (4) four games you are out of the league.  The schedule will be adjusted going back to the first game of the season.  Every team will be awarded 3 wins for the first half and three wins for the second half.

·        RAIN OUTS -If a game is canceled due to weather (rain) or court not being playable. The game must be played with two weeks.  Once the rescheduled game is scheduled it cannot be rescheduled.  If you cannot play the reschedule game, you forfeit three games. Game can be canceled due to weather.

·        COACHING - Any one player of the team is allowed to cross the halfway line and coach. However, a coaching change does not allow the new coach to cross the line to view and return to release the ball. The team coach is allowed to cross the line and return. That player is the ONLY player who can call a foul.

·        FOUL - Only a Captain can call a foul. A warning should be given first. If someone other than the CAPTAIN calls a foul it is not a foul.  The ball remains in play. If a foul is called and agreed, all balls must be put back to their original positions prior to the foul. Team that Fouled can’t score points in that frame.

·        Ball going out of court - A dead ball can only be called if the ball is seen leaving the court by the captain of each team. If the dead ball returns to the court and hits another ball in play the hit ball will remain in its new spot.  The dead ball must be removed.  If you can stop a ball from entering a court after it has rolled out please do. For a ball to be call OUT, it must leave the court completely. The ball that is being called out should be called out prior to it returning to the court. It can be very difficult to see a ball leave the court.

·        THE PILL - If the pill moves to less then half court that frame must be replayed. If a ball (not the pill) moves to less than half court that ball is in play, it can't be moved and points can be scored with that ball.

·        FOOT PLACEMENT - All of the player’s foot is not allowed to extend over the front of the MAT. Meaning; portions of the foot is allowed to extend over the front of the MAT.  All of the player’s foot must be within the sides of the mat including the imaginary area right behind the MAT. Player may rest their foot against the back board.  A player can release a ball from the area behind the Mat. A player is allowed to walk off the front of the Mat only after the ball has been released. Coming off the front of the Mat can’t be done in the same motion as the release of the ball as in hitting. Captain give warning to players CAPTAIN if you see  a violation. Refer to FOUL RULE 

          

·        REFEREE - He shall be the judge of fair and unfair plays, and shall determine all disputes and differences, which may occur during the game.   Any player who shall continue to dispute the decision of the referee may be suspended for the rest of the game. When a referee is measuring a point all players including captains must move at least 10 feet from the measurement.  The referee does not have to show the captain(s) the measurement.  If a referee moves a ball during a measurement it is declared a tie. If players from a team become unruly or disorderly, or rowdy the referee has the authority to end the game. 

·        MEASURING POINT - The captains or coaches (one person from each team) of both teams shall have the privilege of seeing a measurement. The captain or coach shall have the right to measure the balls if they do not agree with the referee or opposing team’s measurement. If they do not agree to the called point after a measurement has been taken. They may ask for an independent measurement.  Both teams must agree on that person.  The results must be accepted.  Players from both teams including captains and coaches must leave the court and not be with 10 feet of the measurement. The referee does not have to re-measure if asked. All players must stay at the starting point of play until all balls are measured and the points determined. The team that threw in for the point will measure when a challenge is made for point.  If the cue is moved or a ball is moved during a measurement the team that caused the ball to move will award the point of that measurement to the opposing team. If other balls have already been measured prior to the movement and the team that is measuring had the point they will be awarded with the point.

Example: Team A wants to measure for point.  Team A takes a measurement of two balls. Team A’s ball is closer.  Team A also wants to measure for a second point. However, he moves the pill.  Team A is awarded only one point.

In case one ball from each team is tied, the team creating the tie will throw until the tie is broken. However, if after a measurement the balls remain at a tie and there are no balls remaining no points will be awarded that frame.  The team that led off in that frame will retain the pill.

Issue: If the ball causing the tie is moved and another ball from the team initially having the point creates a tie the opposing team will continue to throw until the tie is broken or they are out of balls.  

Once you agree to a ball (team) having the point and the opposing team releases a ball you can’t re-measure those same balls to determine point (between those balls already determined) .

Note: If you have released all of your balls and the opposing team has ball(s) remaining you do not have to agree to the findings of a measurement until all of the opposing team’s balls are released or they concede.

·        PLAYOFFS - The first six teams from each division, North & South make the playoffs. . See Playoff Brackets.  Tie Breakers as follows:  See dates for games. NFL format

1. Head to Head, next

2. Least amount of forfeits given up, next

3. Flip a coin

·        BALL HITTING PLAYER ON COURT

IF A LIVE BALL HITS A PLAYER ON THE OPPOSING TEAM, THE THROWING TEAM MAY ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE THROW OR REPLACE ALL MOVED BALLS TO THEIR ORIGINAL POSITIONS and the BALL THAT WAS THROWN IS REMOVED FROM THE FIELD. THE OPPOSING TEAM CAN NOT SCORE POINTS IN THAT FRAME.

IF A BALL HITS A PLAYER ON THE THROWING TEAM, NO POINTS WILL BE AWARDED TO THAT TEAM FOR THAT FRAM. THE BALLS MUST BE PUT BACK IN THEIR ORIGINAL POSITION AND THE BALL THAT MADE CONTACT WITH THE PLAYER WILL BE REMOVED FROM THE FIELD.  

 

FIELD / PREPARED BY 7:30 / START TIME 7:30PM  / BRUSH, ANGLE IRON, WET, ROLLED.

COURTS RE-DONE, EAST NATICK, ROSARIO, FORTEGRECA, ST ANTHONY’S

 

BANQUET DATE IN BOOK                   /                   ALL STAR GAME DATE IN BOOK

 

 

 

Join the Rhode Island Boccia League on Facebook.

Rhode Island Boccia League/Organization 

 

 

CHOKE PLAYER OF THE WEEK

 

 

Gozzi was working out in the gym when he spotted a beautiful young

girl.  He asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that girl over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby

 

 

 Italian Bocce Player 

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?' 

I'm Italian and I play bocce,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape.  I play bocce every day.  I walk up and down the court.  I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'   'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?'  'Who said my Father's dead?' 

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?  'He's 100 years old,' says the Old bocce player. 'In fact he played bocce with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, and had a little vino, and that's why he's still alive.  He's Italian, and he's a bocce player, too.' 


'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'  'Who said my Nono's dead?'  Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living? Incredible!!! how old is he?'  'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian bocce player. 

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went play bocce with you this morning too?'  'No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'  At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married?? Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?'  'Who said he wanted to?

 

 

Gozzi came home from the society late one Friday evening having too much to drink and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Gozzi, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”. Gozzi was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Gozzi was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies Gozzi, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Gozzi. “Well just relax and let it happen”. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Gozzi, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

All teams must prep their court.  Scrape, Broom, Wet & Roll.    Exception, Santa Maria's indoor court - See Rocco Tella for court prep. 

Please let me know if a team has not prepared their court.  They will receive one warning - second complaint, they will exit the league. 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



More Breaking News

Fontegreca 1 has their own website.  Check it out at www.fontegreca1.co.cc/

 

 Gozzi's Corner

Gozzi and his Rocco went to the Santa Maria Feast every year, And every year Gozzi would say, 'Rocco. I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' ; Rocco always replied, 'I know Gozzi, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year later Rocco and Gozzi went to the fair, and Gozzi said, 'Rocco, I'm 60 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Rocco replied, Gozzi that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard them and said, 'Guys I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Rocco and Gozzi agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Gozzi and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Gozzi replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Rocco fell out, But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!


Gozzi  and Tella are seated next to each at Santa Maria.  Tella asks if he would like to play a fun game? Gozzi, is tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.  Tella persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, Gozzi declines and tries to get some sleep.

Tella, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches Gozzi's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The Tella asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Gozzi doesn't say a word, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to Tella. "Okay," says the Tella, "your turn".

Gozzi asks Tella, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

Tella, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Gozzi, and hands him $500.00.

Gozzi says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

Tella, who is more than a little miffed, wakes Gozzi and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Gozzi reaches into his pocket, hands the Tella $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

 

Gozzi is watching the news at the Santa Maria Club with Tella when the newscaster says,

"Two Brazilian woman die in a skydiving accident."

The Gozzi starts crying and says to Tella while sobbing

"That's horrible!!! So many woman dying that way!"

Confused the Tella replies "Yes Gozzi, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, Gozzi, still sobbing, says,

"... So how many is a Brazilian?"

 


 

Gozzi came home from Santa Maria late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” Demanded Gozzi, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered “This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St. Peter”. Gozzi was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

 

St Peter replied “Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” Gozzi was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

 

“This ain’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies Gozzi, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before”. “Never” replies Gozzi. “Well just relax and let it happen”. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him… ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting “Gozzi, wake up you drunken bastard, you’re shitting the bed!”

Make a Free Website with Yola.